he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Rumble strips road head = magical
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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