Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
