He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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