I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
