Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
