this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
