All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
