I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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