areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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