some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
