im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
