I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
