I faked an abortion last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
