I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
