I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
