She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
