I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
