she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize