youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
