it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
