You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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