he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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