weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
