good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
