I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
