I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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