I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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