i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
