I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
