STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I deserve this hangover.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize