I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
