I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
