oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
