my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
