Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
