Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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