Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my shit smells like andre
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
