Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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