Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You had me at "let me see your balls"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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