You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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