I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
