Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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