Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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