white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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