I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
