I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
