Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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