I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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