I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
