Too much gin, very little bucket
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
