Yo dont text me then not text me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
