I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
