Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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