This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
