I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
is it fun? or sober?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
