My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
