i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
