just come out here and I will go home with you...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
