Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
