I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
