please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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