Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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