dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
