I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
