your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
