Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
