OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
