the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
